c o l u m b i n a

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Thursday, February 23, 2006

what to ... ?

Via and Splendora’s Style Forecast.

What to Wear: Cute spring skirts. Seriously, I went away on vacation for a week, and suddenly, every clothing store has switched over to Spring already. I am not ready for Spring. I don’t think the East Coast is ready for Spring, especially if the weather continues to be funky as its been this year. But hot damn, do I want me some cute spring skirts. I can be the most un-girly girl in some ways, but I do get all a-flutter for a swishy, swirly knee-length that’s not too loud/frayed/tight/bemirrored.

What NOT to Wear: Again, bemirrored clothing. I don’t know why the 80s are making a comeback, and I’m trying not to pay attention, but they’re everywhere (just like formal shorts and excessively long and flimsy tunic shirts, two other things which should die a quick death), they’re not bohemian or gypsy or any “free-spirited” thing of any sort, and they scare me. Make them go away.

What to Shoe: Have never, ever been a shoe-gal. Doesn’t float my boat, so I don’t know what to tell you. (See above about un-girly girl tendencies.) But the stores have switched over to Spring shoes now too, and I’ve already set a date in March to go shopping with the Mom at King of Prussia, where they have a Nordstroms. (Oh, Nordstroms, how I’ve missed you!) Nordstroms always has the wackiest shoe department, and must be the go-to shoe place for wannabe supermodels and/or performance artists because with all of the fine leather and normal looking though expensive shoes, there are always one or three tables of CRAZY set up. (Clear platforms with fish suspended in the heels? Sandals with ribbon straps that go up to your knees and end in three rows of unnecessary beads? Fur, buckles, bows, mirrors, or prints where they shouldn’t be and to excess? Bring it ON, Nordies. I will be gaping, pointing, puzzling, and snorting through my nose in less than a month. Woot!)

What to Bag: Not sure about current purse trends (though I should be, because we sell them through our stores— are the hobo bags from fall still in? ETA: Guess not. Nothing but Spring clutches.) but I do know that a) I desperately need a new oversized one, because my good ole standby, which I’ve had for years and was the perfect size to carry all my purse crap AND one hardcover novel, is now IRREPARABLE. The strap broke for about the fifth time, this time only surviving about one week after the nice Korean man who works at the shoe repair shoppe in the borough sewed it back together again, so I believe it has officially moved on to becoming a Hopeless Cause. (Though my grandfather did offer to STAPLE it together. Horrifying, though it does give new meaning to that Jack Johnson song.) And b) my mother needs/wants a navy purse. And no one sells navy purses anymore so Mama is going to need to pick something else out for Mother’s Day because that is so not happening.

What to Jewelry: I don’t know if they’re in and I don’t care, my new hand-crafted Kalakaua Avenue Art Fair pearl earrings from Hawaii kick ass.

What to Makeup: Sonia Kashuk Shimmer Blush. Target made me do it.

What to Hair: TRESemme Heat Tamer. I know, it’s such a “LaDiDa Fashion Magazine Says This Product Will Change Your Life, REALLY, We Mean It This Time” product, but it WORKS. It works WONDERS. I was contemplating new brands of hot oil treatments because my hair was getting so dried out and frizzy and otherwise cranky and unsalvageable, and then one airport flip-through of Marie Claire and a trip to the store later, it’s nothing but shiny, soft, pretty hair. I’m in desperate need of a cut and a re-highlighting, but I’ve received more compliments on my hair since I’ve started using it then when I first got the cute haircut and color in the first place. (The Queer Eye Guys were right! Hair Product CAN be your friend!)

In other hair news, I am scheduling that cut and color, which always brings with it the questions- what cut and what color? Because Marie Claire, despite being so helpful with the TRESemme, was absolute bullsh*t on “What Hair Color is Right for You?” when it basically told me that I would be a great redhead ... or blonde or brunette. Thanks for narrowing down my options, Marie Claire! Because my hair has spent roughly the past 23 years trying to decide if it was dirty blonde, mousy brown, or slightly auburn! (My hair is slightly schizophrenic like that. My mom used to think that I was sneaking around dying my hair red in junior high because it certain lights it had coppery tints. And I was blonde in kindergarten, back when I was photogenic. And spent most of college with my very brown natural color with very unnatural bright blonde streaks in the front, because dammit, I was an ARTIST and my irrational fear of highlighting was conquered.) My last salon experience (with my wonderful stylist Stephanie, who has now moved far away to have a baby and will never be able to cut my hair again dammit, sniff) ended with me getting both warm blonde and coppery highlights, which was generally well-received by all-and-sundry.

And then there’s the long/short question, which is always a hassle, because my face looks better with long hair, but the hair itself tends to work better short with layers (which tends to enlarge my cheeks to Chipmunk with a Face Full of Nuts proportions, a look generally unflattering to say the least). And then there is the damn BANGS question, which I haven’t had to grapple with in YEARS but they are officially a comeback now, and Rory Gilmore looks so damn cute with them, and so there it is. Part of me says, “hell yeah! Go for it!” because I so rarely dress my age and go with the current trends, and really, if I don’t do this kind of crap now, when it can be glossed over as “Follies Of My Youth” when will I? And another part of me is listening to my mother who says I have a nice forehead that shouldn’t be covered up (wha?), and that it’ll be a hassle to maintain (and that’s BEFORE the growing out), and it probably would help to have chosen a new stylist before doing something like that. So que sera, sera, I guess.

What to Fragrance: I will never give up my Estee Lauder Pleasures, but Bath & Body Works just made me their bitch with their Cherry Blossom Luxuries line.

What to See: Is there any theater in the Philly area playing The White Countess? NO. The bastards. And I think the boat has sailed on seeing King Kong in theaters. Last thing I saw was The Matador, which while it did not feature my Screen-Boyfriend-of-All-Time Pierce “Cary Grant” Brosnan but Pierce “Playing an Oddball because I’m an ACTOR Dammit” Brosnan, it still rocked. And my continued love of Greg Kinnear grows. (Hilarious. One of the funniest actors out there, truly, and probably the most underused and underappreciated. I’m waiting for the day he turns into the New Tom Hanks. Because you know it’s coming.)

What to TV: House, because of the continued greatness (and hotness) that is Hugh Laurie and Robert Sean Leonard (“I hear bowling is more fun than stalking”). The Office, when it returns next week (woot!), because is there anything in this world funnier than Dwight Schrute and his bobblehead? I THINK NOT. Sci-Fi Fridays, because the collective hotness of Ben Browder, Michael Shanks, Joe Flanigan, and David Hewlitt (what? They can’t ALL be that pretty. And the McKay Patented Snark gets me EVERY time.) is enough to stomach the wild plotlines.

What to Listen: KT Tunstall’s “Eye on the Telescope.” Just discovering the utter coolness that is Rilo Kiley, so more on that later. I just found the haunting “Kothbiro” from The Constant Gardener on iTunes the other day, and have fallen in love Ayub Ogada’s voice all over again. (I will still stand by Jean-Yves come Oscar Night, though.) Oh, and Julie Andrews’ kick-ass sultry Mancini big finish in Darling Lili, “Whistling Away the Dark,” which is the best thing she’s sung on camera next to that hilltop twirling number.

iPod Rediscovery: “Jessie’s Girl” by Rick Springfield. Mostly because I had such a crush on him back in the day (wasn’t he dreamy? And he’s aged well too...) and my U2-playing neighbor took a break one night to play a selection of Best of the 80s, that song included, and the nostalgia creeping through the walls was overwhelming.

What to Read: American Vertigo by Bernard-Henri Levy, because The Daily Show made it look so interesting and shouldn’t everyone read a book by a French Rock Star Philosopher? Once Upon Stilettos, because Enchanted, Inc. was one of the best chick-lit books I’ve read in a good, long while. Elizabeth Peters will have her new one out in March that I’m not even pre-ordering, so have the mighty fallen. For a silly, fluffy good time, I recommend The Masque of the Black Tulip and Good Omens.

What to Eat: New obsession, Pims? I’d like you to meet my new heavier ass. Because it’s all your fault.

Looking Extra Foxy: Jesse Spencer, especially when he’s snarking the other Ducklings. John Krasinski, my new TV Boyfriend, because hot DAMN, and he seems like such a sweetheart. The new poster of James Mardsen as tortured Scott “I Lost My Wife in a Freak Dam Accident But That Just Makes Me Look Less Pasty and Much More Hot” Summers.

Bizarre But Brilliant: CraigNotBond.com and its gallery of Daniel Craig look-a-likes. I’ve said for months that he was the wrong choice (oh, Clive, Ioan, and Hugh. My poor, passed-over lovelies. Ioan, I still think you’re the best option they’ve got, but Clive, you sneaky devil, that Pink Panther cameo was the only thing that kept me from walking out of that bit of rubbish). Basically my beef is that if you’re going to drop Brosnan, widely held to be the only one to come close to Connery in the Bond department, because you want to do a Younger Bond in an Origin story, then dammit, cast a younger Bond. And an OLDER woman, because you so know that some experienced femme fatale saw this tall dark drink of water trying to be suave and took him aside and molded him into something dangerous, sexy, and cultured, before ultimately betraying him thus turning him into a bit of a cold bastard but oh-so-urbane. (Er. Is that just my fantasy then?) But you made your decision, and I was stuck with it, and I was following your slow, stupid progress with casting and probably would have seen the new film (just not in theaters), and now suddenly, out of the blue, the Fandom is Mobilizing. I don’t know if I agree with the boycott, especially this late in the game, but I will say, for shits and giggles, the juxtaposition of Craig and the undead is too funny (and uncanny) for mere words.

Laughternoon Break: The best of the Brokeback parodies, BrokeBack To the Future.


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