c o l u m b i n a

"by her keen and active wit, she [ is ] able to hold her own in every situation and emerge with ease and dignity from the most involved intrigues." ~ Duchartre

Monday, February 06, 2006

look like a celebrity... sort of

So I'm a movie person. It's kinda rubbed off on the family. Inevitably, in some long ago family function wherein films and dead people were the only "safe" topics of conversation, the question of "what famous person do I look like?" came up. Now, my dad and my mom I've nailed a long time ago, and I am undisputed in my theory that my dad has a striking resemblance to Gene Kelly (though he's not much of a dancer, he does have quite a singing voice) and that my mother circa '74 is the spitting image of Marsha Hunt, forgotten starlet of cheesy girl detective movies. My great-aunt in certain lights has a definite Garbo quality about her face, though she rather likes to think she's patterned her fashion decisions after the immortal Princess Grace Kelly, whom she's always trying to get me to model myself after. (She suckered me into the Emily Post posture a long time ago. Still refusing to dye my hair blonde, though. Sorry, Andzia.)

Self-assessment is always harder. The family is a bit unreliable in this game, mostly because their internal memory databases for this sort of thing are limited. (Actresses we can name off the top of our head? "Julia Roberts. And uh, Meg Ryan. And that girl in that thing that time...?" They have me for this sort of information.) Now, privately, and now I guess not so secretly, since I'm writing about it here, I've always rather thought I had a resemblance to Jennifer Garner, though definitely not as atheletically fit. But she has a high prominent forehead (check), straight brown hair (check), and a strong chin and high cheekbones (check, check). My nose is definitely not as tiny, my lips are thinner, and like most people, her neck seems much longer than mine. (See aforementioned father and his likeness to Gene "No Neck" Kelly.)

Then last week, and I can't even remember which blog I was reading that had also tried out this amazing (cough cough) bit of technology, but apparently, with this new database service, you can upload your photograph and magically discover your celebrity doppleganger. And since I happened to have just gotten back from Hawaii, and was unsuccessful at thwarting all attempts to have myself captured on film (I'm very unphotogenic), I uploaded one of the shots of me and my delicious end of trip mojito and gave the database a whirl. Anxiously awaiting to see exactly how glamorous my some-what similar celebrity would be, the database returned with...

Jason Biggs.* I shit you not, the first photo it matched me with was a dude. And not even a pretty one. (You see what I mean about unphotogenic? I mean, I know I'm not Jennifer Garner on my best day, but I also don't make mirrors crack when I walk by. Just...damn.)

It was a 71% match. And yes, I consoled myself with knowing that even the technology itself acknowledges that it is 29% wrong. But I also had another 71% match... with Julie Andrews. Yeah, I'm stumped too.

Other matches above 50% correct? Brigitte Bardot (70%). Penelope Cruz (69%). Tom Cruise (68%). (Seriously, what the hell? I wasn't that androgynous-looking in the photo, I swear!) Liv Tyler (68%). Jennifer Aniston (67%). And Monica Lewinsky (65%).

So, um, I don't know what to think, except that maybe the creators of that program were on crack. And that it really uses cheekbones as the ultimate determination of a match, and doesn't even bother considering gender, because that would be silly. I'll stick with my I-Could-Be-Like-Sydney-Bristow daydreams, thank you very much.

ETA: I might just manage Kate Beckinsale in a pinch. The nose is close, close! But dammit, her teeth are so much nicer than mine. Curses.

EATA: I totally forgot until I was done with this post, but I have had one, very misguided individual think that I look like a celebrity-- one of the guys from the warehouse (who doesn't work there anymore, which is a shame, because he was really a cool guy, despite a bit of weirdness) thought I looked like Liza Weil from The Gilmore Girls. Which is the reason I started watching Gilmore Girls in the first place, to see my supposed OtherSelf... who looks nothing like me at all, and acts like me even less. (I am so a Season One Rory.)

* Which is kinda interesting, because though I've never been pressed to name a celebrity look-a-like for my brother, I've always thought there were similarities there, between him and Mr. Biggs. And despite all logic that suggests that one of us is really an alien from a galaxy far far away, my brother and I do really look like siblings and share the same kind of features. So, you know, weird.

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