more da vinci code nonsense

So I mentioned my, erm, uneasiness with the casting of Tom Hanks as Robert Langdon. Most fellow bloggers seem to be preoccupied with casting the new James Bond, a horse I've beaten to death in several posts already. (Ioan, Ioan, Ioan. And that's all I have to say about that.) But I decided to use my magnificient hypothetical casting skills and apply them to the task of assigning the roles of Langdon (we're just pretending that Hanks thing never happened), Sophie Neveu, and Leigh Teabing.

Let us begin with some of the choices for Langdon that were circulating prior to this week:

1. Tim Robbins, otherwise known as the protestor who dates Susan Sarandon or Andy of Shawshank Redemption fame. I admit, he's professor material and when he applies himself, has a great deal of charm. But he isn't exactly box office gold, nor does it seem like a project he'd be interested in (has he ever been in a romantic comedy since Bull Durham?). Also, he's pushing the age limit similar to Hanks.

2. Greg Kinnear. An interesting choice from left field. Boyish, all-American charm does not however make up for his previous experience in mostly supporting roles of loveable intellectual doofuses (or is it doofi?).

3. Richard Gere. Another very interesting choice and one with a bit more to ground it than #2. Gere does remarkably well in thrillers (Primal Fear kicked some serious ass), he can charm the pants off anything that moves while maintaining an air of erudition. It's too bad he wasn't given some real consideration.

4. William Peterson. Yep, everyone's favorite grumpy lead CSI was touted by many as a great Langdon. We know that shots of him thinking hard play well on the small screen, but what about the big screen? Quite frankly, as much as I love Grissom (and I do), I can't see it. Maybe if Langdon had a thing for bugs...

5. Gabriel Byrne. I know he was in Stigmata, but just because he investigates one religious thing doesn't mean we should typecast the poor man! (Not to mention he's Irish.)

6. Clive Owen. Perhaps some people are confusing their casting quandaries. He's British, folks. He could be Bond, not Langdon.

7. David Duchovny. I scoffed at first too. But it would work well, I think. He plays best when he's charmingly intelligent and a wise-ass, a la Mulder. He's my favorite option, really.

8. Brendan Fraser. When I was asked months ago to think who'd be a good Langdon, I came back with him. (He's still a great second choice.) He gets short-changed because of the kiddie-animated flicks, but he's a fantastic actor who shines in meaty dramatic roles as well as those more action oriented. If his Rick O'Connell was the Indiana Jones for Generation Y, it fits like a glove. He might suffer from being too young-- though he could always pull off Johnny Depp's aged Corso look from The Nine Gates.

Sophie Neveu is the French leading lady of the book and it has been a matter of debate as to whether TPTB should require that the role be given to a French actress. Some ideas:

1. Rachel Weisz. IMDb's little frontrunner, even though she's British. I could take her or leave her myself; I think it really depends on if she had serious chemistry with whoever played Langdon. And with Hanks as heir-presumptive, well, I think there'd be zero on that front.

2. Sophie Marceau. The other frontrunner, and actually French. I'd say sure, but I'm still pissy about Braveheart and The World is Not Enough. I have no sympathy for her characters- she generally just makes me end up hating them. So... no.

3. Julie Delpy. French-born, not very well known actress whose biggest flicks were the Before Sunrise/Sunset movies with Ethan Hawke (another Langdon candidate). She embodies a sweetness that seems to be just right for Sophie, so for now she's my top choice.

4. Audrey Tautou. Don't make Amelie the go-to girl for every movie that requires an attractive French girl. Just don't.

And lastly, my favorite character of the book, Sir Leigh Teabing, the British eccentric with a library of grail lore, a private jet and a dark secret:

1. Anthony Hopkins. Oh give the man a break already. Not every older British role has to be played by him. He's divine, we all know-- he doesn't need to prove it to us again. He does however have the wicked sense of humor I accredit to Teabing so he might be worth it. Let us just say, I wouldn't complain if he got cast. But really, Mr. Hopkins must be the most mentioned candidate for every book that wants to be made into a movie (I've lost count of how many characters of Dorothy Dunnett's assorted fans want him to play). Get a bit more creative, people.

2. Richard Attenborough. Nice. He could finally play that darker version of Hammond that Crichton had written all those years ago. Whimsy he can do, but can he make a dirty joke?

3. Jim Broadbent. He's perfection in every thing else, why not this?

4. Michael Caine. There's a hard edge to Caine which Teabing lacks (or at the very least, conceals very well). I don't buy it.

5. Patrick Stewart. He played a cripple in X-Men. One is enough for a career, isn't it? The booming voice is definitely a plus, but I haven't seen Stewart do comedy-- can he be funny? At all?

6. Derek Jacobi. Also a nice choice, although equally, I'm not sure about the ability to do comedy. Hamlet didn't really give him chuckle lines, did it?